Adult daughter reluctant to help mother with $6,000 dental bill on medical credit card, after already losing $8,000 to mother’s past credit card misuse: ‘She said she didn't realize what she was doing’

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 12, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Family life comes with a lot of complications, ups, and downs that are all part of the journey of life. Some families are more fortunate than others and can ensure that everyone is looked after and given everything they need. Yet, in many cases, there is only so much some people can offer, but how does that affect their family relationships? 

This woman has found herself in a tough spot, stuck between offering to pay $6000 for a dental bill her mother can't afford, or putting her foot down until her mother pays the other $8000 she owes her from credit card purchases. Family is family, and dental work is not some luxurious desire. However, her mother has proved unable to return her money time and time again, so how does she choose between caring for the woman who birthed her and setting boundaries about serious financial decisions? If her mother claims that she is unaware of where all her money went, how can we ensure that it will really be used for the dental work? Perhaps the only solution here is paying the practice directly and giving that money a huge smooch bye-bye… 

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  • I do believe money is the root of all evil, and the minute it starts coming between family, it's time to reassess the situation. Maybe they could work together to make up the money, instead of just expecting one person to carry their responsibilities on someone else's shoulders. Asking for favours, when frequent enough, can become second nature. So, it's important to look in the mirror and ask yourself ‘Am I running someone else dry, just to keep myself watered?’

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    Cheezburger Image 10552957184
    via antoniogravante

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    WIBTA if I refused to help my mom pay for a $6,000 dental procedure?

    My mother called me a few days ago and asked if I could help pay for $6000-$7000 worth of dental work she has to get done. I want
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    to help, but I don't trust her financially to pay me back. Background: A few years ago, I gave my mom $8,000 over the
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    course of a year to help her pay down her credit card debt(around 10,000). After tax season, my dad got their tax refund and gave her a few hundred to put toward her
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    cards. She threw a fit about not getting more, but when I did the math, I realized she should have had only about $1,000 or so left in total credit card debt.
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    That didn't sit right with me. After a lot of fighting, asking questions, and her giving me and my family excuses, I logged into her
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    accounts and saw that while she was making payments on the agreeded upon cards, she was also spending more than the payments across her other cards.
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    Basically, she doubled her debt in a single year. Which meants that she spent 16,000 on stuff that didn't matter. I know it was not non-essential purchases(or
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    emergencies) because i spent days going over every single monthly statement of every single card to figure out where the money went.
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    When I confronted her about it, she said she didn't realize what she was doing. I'm still unsure if I believe that or not. I stopped giving her money after that.
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    Now she needs a $6,000 dental procedure and asked me if I could put it on a medical credit card. Part of me wants to help,
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    because I know it's a health issue. But another part of me feels like I'd just be setting myself up to get burned again.I'm also still feeling used form the $8,000. If I
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    Cheezburger Image 10552957696
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    do help, I want to set strict conditions. WIBTA if I told her no or WIBTA if I set strict conditions for doing this for her?
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    ShipComprehensive543 Dont give her any money unless its a gift - you already know the outcome. NTA
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    No-Photograph1983 her husband should be helping pay her bills not her child. ΝΤΑ
    via No-Photograph1983
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    extinct diplodocus NTA. "Sorry, I can't afford to give you any more while you still owe me $8,000." She's financially irresponsible and will only recognize credit limits. Cut your losses and don't throw good money after bad. She had the capability of paying for her own dental work if only she hadn't thrown her money. away elsewhere. Don't further enable her.
    via extinct_diplodocus
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    MaeSilver909 NTA. If you decide to help, know you're not getting the money back. Pay the dentist directly. Don't give your mother the money directly.
    via MaeSilver909
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    LingonberryPrior6896 Do NOT! Those medical credit cards have a HIGH interest rate! NTA
    via LingonberryPrior6896
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    Embarrassed-Row-2025 Only if you directly pay the dentist. AND her credit is locked and cards closed. Even then, nope why spend good money on unsecured card debt? Oh, and better Remind her of the 10K she owes you... cause that was a loan.
    via Embarrassed-Row-2025
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    Old Draft_5288 NTA tell her you can't afford to help her until she pays you back for the last loan
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    Nina_Innsted No is a complete sentence. NTA
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    Impossible Height_46 IF you're willing to pay for it, pay the dentist or insurance company directly - not through her. And don't expect to be paid back.
    via Impossible_Height_46
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    CheekPowerful8369 If you're going to help your mom contribute directly to her bill at the dental clinic. I get that she's irresponsible with money and I myself wouldn't give her a cent to pay down frivolous debt but this is a health matter. Soft YWBTA. ETA whatever you contribute, if you do, should be an amount you're willing to forego for good.
    via CheekPowerful8369
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    Art_teacher_79 You are absolutely NTA. I think you know that though. Your parents decided to waste their tax refunds KNOWING they needed to fix your mom's teeth. That isn't your problem. They are adults.
    via Art_teacher_79
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    Jane_Marie_CA NTA in any circumstance. Your money, your choice. You are not obligated to pay for the life of non dependents. However, if your mom had just been in a bind this one time, I totally would help out. happens. But it sounds like she has broader budgeting issues.
    via Jane_Marie_CA

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failblog cost redditstory dental-fees dentist mother get-money-back lent help out helping hand no strings askreddit debt loan dollars family daughter afford
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